Past, Present, and Future Projects

I was travelling down memory lane recently at my dad's house, going through a bunch of things I wrote a long time ago. It was interesting for me and a bit nostalgic, it reminded me of the kind of guy I was while I was writing these. Most of them are no good and if I ever become famous for being a writer, I fear these will someday come out as some kind of unpublished work. But anyway I just wanted to talk about what was going through my mind as I was writing these. And yes these are by the way screenplays, so consider this a literary commentary.

The Most Wonderful Movie: I wrote this in the 8th grade. I don't remember very much about it, our English teacher gave us full reign as this was our last writing assignment of the year meaning we could take any writing structure we wanted. I chose screenplay and I knew I was the only one in class to do that. I remember at the beginning wanting to make some kind of a disaster film, I remember wanting a fire to happen in a school and no one could get out. As I was writing it I didn't like it, to tell you the truth I didn't like the thought of characters burning in a fire, it depressed me. "The Most Wonderful Movie" was meant to be a positive message, I don't remember the entire story but it was about a young filmmaker who comes to Hollywood wanting to make the kind of movie no one makes anymore. At the time I was into a lot of Frank Capra films so I think I was trying to emulate his movies, I remember the climax ended in a "Mr.Smith" type of monologue. I read it over a few years ago and all I remember of that was thinking how I put every feel good movie cliche in it. However I did get an "A-" on the final product, but I think that was partially for originality for choosing to write a screenplay.

Tom Stewart's Saturday Nights/Tom Stewart: In ninth grade a wrote a short story entitled "My Saturday Night" which involved a young man going on a date that goes horribly wrong, I don't remember the whole story other than I think it ended on the hero vomiting on the date. The story was mostly one big joke, my teacher gave me a "B" on it, saying it cheered her up while she was sick marking it. Basically this joke took on a life of its own and I decided to write a full length screenplay about it. "Tom Stewart's Saturday Nights" was the first draft where the first scene is pretty much the short story. I made Tom Stewart a comedy writer for a tv variety show (I was years ahead of "30 Rock"), but basically it turned out to be a romantic comedy. A couple of years past and I decided to revisit the character of Tom Stewart for some reason, this time I gave him a complete facelift and turned him into a rich socialite, I remember thinking I wanna write a film that Cary Grant would've starred in. So "Tom Stewart" then became a screwball comedy. The story basically turns to Tom falling for a middle class girl who doesn't fall for his usual tricks, and in the end he gets some kind of comeuppance. I remember having a lot of fun writing this story, I was trying to go for sophisticated dialogue that would be seen in those old movies like "The Philadelphia Story", or "His Girl Friday". I remember this was the script where I spent most time creating characters that I thought were funny. I made Tom's whole family a bunch of eccentrics and really enjoyed writing them. Reading through it again only reminded me how much I enjoyed that world.

The Devil's Heat: In the 10th grade, I attempted to make my first real film. "The Devil's Heat" was an old fashioned gangster movie like the ones by James Cagney and Humphrey Bogart. I actually collaborated on this one with my friend Doug, together we made up the story then I wrote the script and directed the film. It was your basic prohibition gangster picture about a mobman and his goons robbing a bank. The real problem happens when a plucky young reporter witnesses one of goons rubbing a guy out. He then proceeds to write about it, causing to put himself and his gal in danger. As usual I thought the script was gold, reading it over again I was laughing at how cliched the dialogue was, it's definitely written by someone who has seen one too many Cagney movies, but I actually was somewhat impressed with myself. There were actually two drafts of "The Devil's Heat", the first draft consisted of the reporter's girlfriend getting killed, and then the gangster's girlfriend being shot too. I decided to cut that I don't know what it is but I had a problem with killing off my characters in such brutal ways.

Filming "The Devil's Heat" was for the most part a lot of fun, the problem was with casting, we pretty much cast all our friends but most of them never showed up when they were supposed to. We were able to film the opening scene where I do a cameo as a gangster who gets shot. We also were able to film most of the climax and a lot of other gangster type scenes. I was really into Anthony Mann westerns at the time and the climax is completely stolen from his films, as we end it on a cliff, I also stole the scene from Mann's "The Man from Laramie" where Jimmy Stewart is shot point blank in the palm of his hand. I never got to film that scene but it was in the script. "The Devil's Heat" was soon put on the back burner and as far as I know all the footage has been destroyed never to be seen again. Sigh!

Writer's Block: Written during my last year in high school, "Writer's Block" was yet another stab at romantic comedy. This was probably the first time I put a bit of myself into the main character. The character's name was Joe who was a famous novelist although he's not that talented, but he acquired a niche for himself writing books about sports that were really popular to his male audience. Joe is also like Tom Stewart a bit of a womanizer, but this was meant to be more realistic. Most of the story revolves around Joe and his friends all of which were based on real friends I had at the time. Basically what happens is Joe falls for a girl named Katherine and he starts to have real feelings for someone at the same time, but like Tom Stewart he receives a comeuppance at the end. I guess I was just going for a modern anti-romantic comedy when I wrote this, unlike Tom Stewart which was more of the screwball vein. As a side note to this, while I was writing the finale I had just been dumped by my first girlfriend which I think added a bit to the ending which turned out to be a little more downbeat than I first anticipated.

Edgar (Short and Feature) I didn't write a script for a long time after high school and it wasn't till I got to College in film school I finally was able to write something. To this day I don't think I got a good grasp on "Edgar", other than to say he was basically the closest I ever came to be a full on autobiographical character. "Edgar" the short film was basically a day in the life of this guy going through his highs and lows. Edgar was somewhat of a self-proclaimed philosopher who thought a lot. I was given a chance to film the short version which didn't come without its share of headaches. Somewhere in filming I lost my original idea and I caved into listening to too many people telling me how to direct it, I still have the film and to this day I know there is only one shot in it I am proud of because that is the one shot I can say was mine and how I originally envisioned it.

There were still people invested in the character of Edgar and I myself saw him going somewhere else. I wrote "Edgar" the feature as a project for my final year in film school. I'm still debating if this was the right version of Edgar, in it I have him in flashbacks losing the girl of his dreams then struggling to make a new life for himself. Reading it over I found that Edgar was less of an active participant in the story and more of an observer. The new film opened the canvas to introducing more characters which is something I really liked, but I spent too much time introducing those characters than telling a really worthwhile story.

In the end, "Edgar" stopped before it got started, there were many students competing to make their own features, and personally I was not that invested in the story to make it happen.

I look back at "Edgar" as my very first attempt at creating something that was trying to be original and personal at the same time. I would say it was more of a learning experience than anything. I can look at Edgar the character now and distance myself from him, seeing how much I have changed since that experience. I still share a lot of attributes to Edgar, but in many respects represents the past for me.

End of Spring: Two years past since "Edgar" when I finally finished another script. "End of Spring" started as an experiment. Since film school we were told the right way to write a screenplay, and that was frustrating. Writing anything shouldn't be limited to a set of rules to live by. "End of Spring" was my attempt to write something just for me. This was the time I was tired of going to movies that no longer stimulated me, I was finding what my own tastes were and the movie theatres weren't reflecting that, I wanted to make a film that I wanted to see.

I didn't really have a story in mind, so I did what I usually do when I'm stuck and wrote anything. I started with a man and a woman having a conversation, it was all very mundane, then suddenly I had the woman say "What if we got married", suddenly I had a hook. "End of Spring" became the story of a young couple who are both actors (personal experience) both must work to support their art, but they are young and in love. But suddenly the girl becomes pregnant and the rest of the story has to do with them finding a new life for themselves.

I had just finished reading a book about the films of Yasujiro Ozu, and I was fascinated with the way he wrote his scripts, mostly they were scenarios done in a somewhat episodic way. What Ozu did was strip away the story from plot points (something screenplay books teach us always to use). By stripping the story from only necessary plot points, Ozu is able to concentrate on character and theme, it didn't really matter what the main plot was, but only about what it made you feel. This philosophy really spoke to me and I decided to write the script with that in mind.

I would say of any full length thing I wrote, "End of Spring" was the one I was most proud of and delighted with when I finished. I remember thinking how much I couldn't wait to get home and write more for these characters. In a way they became my friends and writing for them was a way to hang out with them. Honestly at the end I felt more as a writer than ever before.

Looking back I still feel the story itself holds up, it is in need for some rewrites, but for the first time I felt I was really finding my own voice.

Untitled/Good Morning (In progress) "Good Morning" happened nearly a year ago, based on a girl I did a show with. So far I have never re-written a scene so many times than with the opening of this. The first scene actually turned into a one act play which I wrote about earlier. Basically this is a companion piece of "End of Spring" about a girl who again is faced with a life she had not anticipated and wondering if she could be happy. Like "Edgar" it's sort of a day in the life of this character, with me wanting each separate scene to stand alone as its own short film. This idea has been swimming in my head for quite awhile, I'm not sure what is to be done with it, but it will not leave me, I'm hoping this is the one where I may finally once again step behind the camera to try to direct again. Here's hoping.

Stream of Consciousness

My mind is working faster than I can type, I have thoughts in my head, but I can't categorize yet what it is trying to tell me period.

I'm thinking comedy right now, but I'm also thinking, physics and philosophy, two things I know very little about, come to think of it I don't know much about those last three things I mentioned, I have ideas, I also have dieas whatever that may be. I have too much on my mind and there is nothing I can do, I have too much on my mind and there is nothing I can say about it.

Fight the flu is a sign I just read, please don't judge me, I think Tuesday is a great day for....revenge, that was a Simpsons joke but also partly my own joke as well, I hope you laughed.

Fighting Cynicism

Last Friday Conan O'Brian said goodbye to "The Tonight Show" and NBC in a very touching and classy way. In a poignant final monologue of the evening he pointed out "Don't be cynical, it leads to nowhere."

This caught my attention and it was refreshing to hear Conan say this, for years now I've been feeling very cynical towards the world, I wouldn't say I'm a complete cynic, but it's hard not to be when you start noticing the world around you isn't as innocent as you came to believe when you were young. I've tried to stay positive through good times and bad times, and tried to be a bigger man when things got tough.

I suppose the straw that broke the camels back came about 11 years ago when my parents decided to get divorced. There I was a complete naivete devoid of what was really going on around me. I'm not the first person to have divorced parents, but to me it was such a shock to be for the first time outside of my comfort zone. I remember the first year or so were some of the worst times of my life, the world as I knew it was shattered.

I took solace in friends, but I soon turned my back on them as I was afraid of getting hurt again, (I did not expect the full effect this would later have on me.). Other things happened, I fell in love, she broke my heart, my mother remarried hastily, I felt deserted, alone.

I would say that point was the lowest point in my life, and I think I even extended it by choosing not to be close with anyone, as far as I was concerned, no one gave a damn about me, and I was the same to them.

I suppose this all started the chain reaction which made look at life a bit more cynically, I saw the world full of people who lie, cheat, manipulate only to get what they want, all those things I've experienced in one way or another.

In hindsight, I now realize all those problems I had were very petty in the great scheme of things, I now no longer hold any animosity towards the people who have hurt me, what I feel is it helped me grow up, it made me realize that the world is full of pain and suffering, but you have to power through it. I know some people in the world have it much worse than I do and I should thank my lucky stars, but where was I going with this? Oh yeah cynicism!

I would categorize myself as someone who is cynical, I pretty much see a world full of hopelessness and despair. On the other hand, there's that other side, that side which has survived throughout my life as someone who still sees there is goodness to be found in everyone. I remain positive because that's what keeps me going, each dawn brings a new day, and you never know what you may find.

I think what makes us cynical is finding out that life doesn't turn out the way we want it, bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people, we're in a state of chaos all of the time. But there are things in life that stop us from going off the deep end, they may be different to each of us, but they are the things that make life worth living.

When Conan told us not to be cynical, he was discouraging us from giving up, from thinking that life is full of disappointment and compromise. Life should be inspiring, and it shouldn't be wasted, it's only when you choose not to do these things that you become a true cynic.

Those Quiet Moments

I would describe myself as a quiet person. I don't like noise, in fact I would say I have a high sensitivity to it. Loud things disrupt me, they startle me, and take me out of where I am. When we were children, my brother would usually yell "Jeremy!" in my ear to get my attention, in fact occasionally he reminds me of the fact that he hasn't outgrown it, I sometimes think that's where my sensitivity for noise started.

At parties, I usually find it easier to slip away, if I'm lucky I find one or two people who I can dip into conversation with, but as a habit, I stay away from the loud music. I don't think I could ever be accused of being the loudest person in the room, in fact some people have to be reminded that I'm actually still in the room. I don't mind it (most of the time) I seem to have stumbled upon a way to become invisible making it easier for me to avoid the ones I choose not to socialize with. I usually have chosen solitude over large groups, I don't know if it's a healthy choice, certainly I wouldn't recommend it all the time, but sometimes you just need some alone time.

When I'm alone things become clear, I am able to formulate things such as thoughts and feelings more coherently, I'm stimulated by my own mind. With each passing year, the world has become more and more discombobulated, harder and harder to comprehend, and I don't think it's because I'm old fashioned but because the world has become a distraction to what is really important.

People seem to talk more these days, but do you ever notice that much of what they say doesn't matter. Conversation has been taken over by gossip or mild chit chat to fill in dead space. Have we become afraid of dead space, must we have the quick and easy answer to every question, without it being thoughtful or insightful?

Conversation is not dead, but communication is becoming endangered, maybe it's me but I see too much apathy going on today, we are saying things, but no one stands by to listen, either that or they mis communicate what is being said, just listen to some talk radio, or talk shows if you don't believe me. Much is being said, but it gets distorted then forgotten.

A quiet moment for me doesn't have to be when I'm alone, but it's when I can block out all the things that don't really matter, I'm focused, and I'm thoughtful, sometimes it comes from a book I read, a film I view, a song I hear, or a person I talk to. It's moments like these that have the power make me feel connected, with this world, and with this life.

Why?

I cannot imagine what the people of Haiti are going through right now. Each day on the news I see people suffering, there is no relief. Aid slowly makes its way towards them but it's not enough. On the news I heard of a mother who lost four children in the Earthquake, and a few days later, her fifth and final child died in hospital. People have begun looting in desperation, their dead have been left on roads as barricades.

This is a country who's poverty was unspeakable compared to ours, why does this have to happen? In America Republican blowhard Rush Limbaugh uses this tragedy as a way to criticize the President, evangelist Pat Robertson blames Haiti for the earthquake as they made a pact with the devil.

To Rush Limbaugh I say you're thoughtless, tactless, and stupid, and the same goes to the people who listen and agree with you. To Pat Robertson I say to the Devil with your God.

To both of you inhumane bullies, I say how dare you. You use a tragedy as your advantage to selfishly gain some spotlight. I don't know how you sleep, how your conscience isn't chewing away at you. You live in a safe place, you have millions of dollars, but there's still something in you that takes pleasure in the suffering of others. I don't think I'll ever understand people like you, how your mind works, and what you must be thinking when things like this happen.

You work in deception, you twist words, you whitewash the truth. One day I hope you are in a situation where you will ask for mercy, and for my own sake I hope you get it unlike those people in Haiti.

A Dickens State of Mind

When I told my friend Matt about my new blog, one of the first things he said to me was "is it going to be about Charles Dickens?" I said "no" but here I am writing about him anyway.

Charles Dickens is above all my favorite writer, and it kinda came to a surprise to me. Growing up I loved going to the library, yes I was that kinda kid, I don't know who first instilled my love of books the first time, but I found the library to be a magical place. I grew up with a well fed diet of kids authors such as Beverly Clearly, Judy Blume, and the Hardy Boys. I also had a weakness for Charlie Brown comics, but I'll leave that for another time.

In school we had reading month, which was probably my favorite time of year, it was a competition throughout the whole school to see which student would read the most. We would get these lists, and the higher grade you got up to the more challenging the book had to be. I don't remember ever winning in my class, I think the closest I got to was in the top three afterwards we got prizes, I don't remember which one I got.

As I grew the books grew too, in ninth grade I took on "To Kill a Mockingbird" for the first time, but like I am with a lot of things I would come to love, I didn't really like it. Then came Mark Twain with "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer", a book I was only 90 pages away from finishing until I decided to stop for some reason.

By seventh grade I was reading Shakespeare in my spare time. I didn't always understand it, I usually cheated by reading the description of the scene before reading it in old English, I fell in love with "Hamlet" mostly because it was such a challenge, I even performed a scene from it in front of my school. (Since I didn't know how to act Shakespeare, I pretty much stole from Mel Gibson's performance). I would later go on to read "MacBeth", "Othello", "A Midsummer's Night's Dream", "The Taming of the Shrew" and others in my love for Shakespeare. I felt of myself as an independent learner when it came to reading these, when it came to classes about Shakespeare, I was mostly bored by them.

Dickens didn't come until later, the first book by him that I remember reading was "Hard Times" which might've been because it was his shortest book. I remember reading through it very slowly and considering an actual victory when I finished it. I remember thinking it was a good book, but I had no thought of returning to Dickens anytime soon.

More time passed, I was in college about 24, when I picked up a copy of "David Copperfield". I was curious about reading Dickens again, I opened up the first book and saw the first sentence which read,"whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anyone else, these pages must show." Right away Dickens grabbed my attention, to this day I think it is the most brilliant opening sentence I've ever read in a book, I had to read it.

"David Copperfield" remained a challenge, I sometimes grew impatient with it, but what I was slowly discovering was that I was actually reading Dickens for the first time, in fact it may be the first time (other than Shakespeare) that I was reading anybody for the first time. All great writers have their own voice, and through the pages of "David Copperfield", I felt I was learning what Dickens' voice was. At first I was frustrated and confused by the way he described locations or characters, but as I read more and more, I became enchanted with his way. His books are so much about description, he can make a tavern feel like the dingiest place on Earth, or somebody's Estate feel like heaven by comparison. He draws on broad almost stereotypical characters to make his point, and he has a wonderful flare for creating names for them all.

I finally finished "David Copperfield" after about four months, maybe even more, I was bored sometimes by it, but then I would read a passage that made me go on. When I finished it didn't take me long to pick up another Dickens book. Soon after came "Oliver Twist", then "Nicholas Nickleby" (a personal favorite), then "The Old Curiosity Shop", then "Great Expectations", then "A Tale of Two Cities" (Another personal favorite). The more I read Dickens the more I loved him.

I've taken to defend his honour when I come upon anyone who dares to question his greatness. I've heard from others that they think his books are too dry or too sentimental, or overlong. I would say those are fair initial arguments, but those who have said that to me have always failed to back it up with any real insight into his work, which causes me to suspect these people have never actually read one of his books.

Not that I blame those people who would rather not tackle one of his books, everytime I sit down to read Dickens, I do have to get into a certain state of mind. I like quiet when I read, I prefer to laze on a couch or a bed, preferably with a blanket or pillow near by to keep me comfortable. If there is a season for Dickens I pick the winter to read him in. Winter is a time or warmth, it's a time where the days are shorter and the nights are longer, the air is bitter, and your body feels like ice. This is the time when we need a little patience, and reading Dickens is like taking a really long deep breath when you inhale the entire world he maps out for you. For every book, I usually take my time to read it, with Dickens I'm never in a hurry, I will take whatever time is required of me to finish it, and when I am done, I usually take a moment to breath it all in again, and usually I can't wait for another taste of his world.