Fighting Cynicism

Last Friday Conan O'Brian said goodbye to "The Tonight Show" and NBC in a very touching and classy way. In a poignant final monologue of the evening he pointed out "Don't be cynical, it leads to nowhere."

This caught my attention and it was refreshing to hear Conan say this, for years now I've been feeling very cynical towards the world, I wouldn't say I'm a complete cynic, but it's hard not to be when you start noticing the world around you isn't as innocent as you came to believe when you were young. I've tried to stay positive through good times and bad times, and tried to be a bigger man when things got tough.

I suppose the straw that broke the camels back came about 11 years ago when my parents decided to get divorced. There I was a complete naivete devoid of what was really going on around me. I'm not the first person to have divorced parents, but to me it was such a shock to be for the first time outside of my comfort zone. I remember the first year or so were some of the worst times of my life, the world as I knew it was shattered.

I took solace in friends, but I soon turned my back on them as I was afraid of getting hurt again, (I did not expect the full effect this would later have on me.). Other things happened, I fell in love, she broke my heart, my mother remarried hastily, I felt deserted, alone.

I would say that point was the lowest point in my life, and I think I even extended it by choosing not to be close with anyone, as far as I was concerned, no one gave a damn about me, and I was the same to them.

I suppose this all started the chain reaction which made look at life a bit more cynically, I saw the world full of people who lie, cheat, manipulate only to get what they want, all those things I've experienced in one way or another.

In hindsight, I now realize all those problems I had were very petty in the great scheme of things, I now no longer hold any animosity towards the people who have hurt me, what I feel is it helped me grow up, it made me realize that the world is full of pain and suffering, but you have to power through it. I know some people in the world have it much worse than I do and I should thank my lucky stars, but where was I going with this? Oh yeah cynicism!

I would categorize myself as someone who is cynical, I pretty much see a world full of hopelessness and despair. On the other hand, there's that other side, that side which has survived throughout my life as someone who still sees there is goodness to be found in everyone. I remain positive because that's what keeps me going, each dawn brings a new day, and you never know what you may find.

I think what makes us cynical is finding out that life doesn't turn out the way we want it, bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people, we're in a state of chaos all of the time. But there are things in life that stop us from going off the deep end, they may be different to each of us, but they are the things that make life worth living.

When Conan told us not to be cynical, he was discouraging us from giving up, from thinking that life is full of disappointment and compromise. Life should be inspiring, and it shouldn't be wasted, it's only when you choose not to do these things that you become a true cynic.