The Morning After

For the first time in my life, I got seriously drunk. This was one of those moments where you're not quite sure what you said or how you acted while under intoxication. You could say I had visions of what transpired, I remember moving my fingers a lot because they had become numb, it was an interesting sensation indeed. My lips have also become numb as well, and everything and everyone seemed farther from me than they really were. Through my stupor, I remember thinking how fascinating this experience was.

As far as my conduct last night, I don't think I hurt anybody's feelings, and I also don't believe I said anything that was out of line, lucky me. I also don't think I was mean, I think I was having too much fun in my new found state of mind. I remember having a conversation with two people in a kitchen, trying to listen, but also concentrating on propping myself against the stove so I would not fall over.

Time is irrelevant when you're drunk, I remember hearing it was 2:00am and being shocked thinking I just started drinking not too long ago, when in fact four hours had gone by since my first glass. At one point pizza came, however the delivery man coming to the door, happened just as a blur. Somehow, at least two pieces of pizza found their way into my hand, how this happened, or who was responsible for this, I'm not sure. Like all things at that moment, the pizza and my hand always seemed very far away from my hand, but somehow with much effort it made its way into my mouth. My motor skills still worked but probably only with a 50% capacity, I was able to chew the pizza successfully without choking.

By the end of the night, I was constantly afraid that I was going to forget everything, I remember saying something like "I don't like forgetting things", I was trying to remember everything and everybody in the room. Using the few faculties I had left at my disposal I wanted to trace the whole evening from the very beginning to when people started leaving, it was my own foolish ego who was trying to make up a timeline of missing parts. It was also a way for me to remind myself constantly where I was and what I was doing, although I can't say for sure if my mind and my actions were in perfect harmony at that point.

I woke up this morning with my body being very bitter, and vengeful, this was the first time I put it through so much torture at one time, and I think it was a bit surprised. I suppose the closest comparison I could come up with is if you picture a relationship with someone you've been with for a very long time, then suddenly they find out something shocking about you that they weren't prepared to accept.

I don't regret drinking, or even getting drunk for that matter, it had been a long week, I worked really hard, I was with friends, I was at home, I wanted to unwind a bit, and those who know me, know I don't normally unwind like that. I suppose my one regret is I let it get a bit out of control, to the point where I didn't really feel like myself, and that was the part I didn't like. I also didn't like waking up in the morning feeling literally like I was going to die, I could've done without that. The fact that their are people who do this to their bodies daily just boggles my mind, but time passed and I once again felt like me again, it seemed like a relief.

I'm not sure what the moral of this story consists of, I think you would have to piece together everything that happened from the other people who were there last night. It was a bit gratifying forgetting my troubles and worries for just a few hours even though I paid for it in the morning, perhaps if I look closer at my motives, I would find a reason for wanting to erase some things from my mind during that time, but mostly I wanted to have fun, and I wanted to kick back and relax, you could say I did it in spades!

The Play is the Thing and The Life of the Mind

For the second time in my life, a small one act play that I wrote will be produced for the stage in Red Deer. I had such a great experience with my first play, I really wanted to try it again.

I'm quite excited about it, and very happy with what I have written. The play consists of two girls who are sisters, and I'm very confident the ladies I have will give me what I need from them.

The play itself was much more difficult to write than my last play. My last play entitled "Good Morning" is what I would describe as a pleasant experience. The idea for the story came very fast, and even though I would sometimes be stuck where to go, it never was an inconvenience. I was always in a good mood when I worked on "Good Morning".

With this new play "The Universal", I didn't really have a story going into it. I think I stuck with the same format as "Good Morning" expecting the same sort of pleasantness to come out of it, but this was not the same experience.

I was stuck where the play was going, and most importantly, what I really wanted to say with these characters. I wrote three different drafts, all of which I would say had a completely different feel and tone than the other.

It wasn't until just over two weeks ago I finally had a breakthrough, I had an image of how I wanted it to end, and suddenly I knew exactly how to get to that image. Once again it became a joy to write, and I felt good about it.

When "Good Morning" was shown in front of an audience it was the proudest moment in my life theatre-wise. It was a small humble play that I felt people enjoyed, and in rare cases actually touched a chord with them. With "The Universal", I'm hoping for the same reaction, even though in many ways it's very different. I think needless to say, I'm very proud of it, and am interested to hear the reaction it gets. Regardless of whatever it gets, I will keep writing what interests me hoping someone will connect with it.

On another note, I recently watched one of my favorite Coen Brothers films again, "Barton Fink". It's the story of a writer who comes to Hollywood and is put to work writing a B-movie wrestling picture. I'm not going to pretend I know everything about the film, much of it still remains a mystery to me, but I think that's partly what a great film does.

Barton Fink is a writer who you could say is wrapped inside his whole little world, and full of his own perception of what the real world is and what real people are. He says he speaks for the common man, yet you get the idea he doesn't really understand any of the reality going on around him.

So is what happens when living the life of the mind. In Barton's world there are things going on beyond his comprehension, he is so full of his own ego and world as a writer, it makes no sense to him, and pretty soon it turns into a nightmare.

I don't know why I'm mentioning this, I think "Barton Fink" is one of the best films about a writer, it's even a criticism of writers in a way. Perhaps the film was a reminder to me of what is really important and the dangers of not really living a life that is real in a sense. I just thought I'd share my thoughts with you.

To Speak in Monologue

I admire people who can write in monologue, because you know what, real people don't speak in monologue. When was the last time you heard someone say something that would fill up more than three lines at a time?

Thanks to my two (Count em two!) blogs, I have gone off my own monologue rants, which just goes to show, people have a lot of things to say, but we continue to speak in short brief sentences. I think that's okay, life is short, and if we always suddenly go into a monologue about what we had for breakfast, we would waist our lives going nowhere.

What I like about monologues, or rants as I like to think of it is you are getting a bunch of feelings out of your system. How often have you just wanted to say something, get it all out, the only way is to speak for a very long time. However if that happens in real life, it doesn't come off as eloquently or poetically as you might want it. Usually when I have those moments, it gets jumbled, and lost in translation, which just makes it all the more frustrating.

So we are all destined to speak in short, to-the-point, sentences, there's no room in the real world for poetry, if only Shakespeare could write our lives for us.

However, let's not downplay the importance of the sentences we speak, afterall it is the only form of communication we have, you might say we depend on those short sentences to make sense out of everything. In fact, in a way, there is a certain beauty in the way we speak, I love how we can shorten things to its very essence, sometimes we just have to grunt or even sigh, and we can get our feelings across, to me, that is real raw poetry.

Have you ever really sat and listened to people talk to eachother, it's quite fascinating. My favorite is listening to two people who know eachother inside out, they know what the other one is thinking right away, very often they can finish eachother's sentences. They speak in sort of a rhythm together, they act and react so effortlessly it's like watching a play right in front of you.

So maybe we're lucky not to be speaking in monologue, afterall, in real life, we are not blessed with built in audience who can listen to our rants. I'm perfectly happy ranting on my blogs, I would rather watch two people perfectly complimenting with eachother with real language that has its own poetry.

One of my absolute favorite YouTube videos

I grew up thinking Carl Sagan was just a nerdy scientist with a funny voice. A friend of mine sent me this video about a year ago, I still go to sometimes to be inspired. It really puts things in perspective. Enjoy.

Year After Year: The Blog Entry

Hi Matt and Steph and anyone else involved with "Year After Year" who may be reading this.

This is an open letter to you guys in particular, the great thing about having a blog for me is I'm able to take the time to express my thoughts clearly, and precisely so you understand exactly what I am saying. You guys know me pretty well I'd say, and sometimes when I try to speak coherently it turns into something rushed full of stutters and sometimes in public you can't honestly say what you're thinking.

I never like saying "nice job" or "I was blown away" because everytime I say it, it always sounds so cliche, like I was going through the motions. I know everytime I hear someone saying that to me, there's this voice in the back of my head thinking, "oh they're just saying that because society requires them to say something nice in a public setting." It's probably my cynical side of the business, I always wait for someone to tell me my work was shit, that way I know they're being honest with me.

But I suppose the point I'm getting at is I want you to know that what I'm saying is sincere, and I thought what better way to tell you than in my blog, for as you probably know, I only write about things I care about in my blog(s).

So here it goes, I was very happy to be a part of the premier audience at "Year After Year". It was a special treat to see something my friends had put so much effort into. When I was going to The Matchbox last night, I was genuinely excited, and as you may know, I don't normally get excited about musicals, but this was something special, this was an original, this was made by people who I think are among the most creative and talented people I know. I guess you could say I was going into the show with a biased opinion about you, but I had this feeling in me that you weren't going to disappoint, and you didn't.

I think I know you guys pretty well, maybe I don't, but stop me if I'm wrong. I had this feeling in me because I knew you had this burning passion about theatre, about musicals, and about this particular story. My part in this production was small, it consisted of that one night, when you had this idea to invite a bunch of people over, have a few drinks, and record our conversation, and by that, you were going to go off and make a musical in less than a year.

My contribution that night was limited due to the fact that socializing among people I barely knew was frightening beyond belief, but I think as the night wore on, I opened up a bit more, but then came the moment I reached my limit and retired to bed or my hideout, or somewhere like that.

I was interested to see what you were going to come up with after that night, and I like to think of myself as the silent observer during your process. Being your one of your roommates, it's hard not to observe seeing or hearing you come home every night after your writing sessions, or being one of the first people to hear a rough cut of some of the tracks at one of our parties. I was even one of the privileged outsiders who got a chance to read the script after you wrote it Matt.

All these signs pointed to something passionate, and something you guys believed in. I'm sure there were a few detractors who thought making a full fledged musical in less than a year was impossible, yet I also knew that was something that wouldn't get in your way, even if you lost sleep, or lost your sanity, there was going to be a show no matter what.

You defied the odds and delivered, you received a standing ovation, there were laughs, there were cries, and for that moment, the world belonged to you, and no one can take that away from you.

Matt one of the many questions you like to pose is "What is art?" You have told me you don't think anything can become a work of art untill it is unveiled to an audience, that way it can be shared. Congratulations, for after tonight, you have accomplished your work of art. You had something to say and you said it, and it's wonderful when you can share that with a group of people. I have a feeling everyone went away from the theatre thinking they had just seen a great show.

You should be proud with your accomplishment, and I am proud of you as well, this is my favorite thing I have seen from you guys, because when I look at it, I see so much of yourselves in it. It was uncompromising and done with conviction. It was sincere, and inspiring, it was a show for all of us to share, it was the only show you could've done, and for that it was a work of art.

I will stop now before your heads get too inflated. Matt you have told me before, I should do reviews of theatre shows like I do with movies. I hope this little entry suffices for a review. Congratulations my friends, enjoy the success that you deserve and have worked so very hard for.

Your Friend and roomy

Jeremy

Have you seen Doctor Who? It's Like the Best Show Ever!

Okay so I never do this, I almost dedicate my free time to movies or books, or both, or something, but I can't help myself anymore. I have become addicted to a tv show, not just a tv show, but like the best tv show ever. Yeah I said it, and I don't care, it's like the best tv show ever, like the best, like totally the best.

What is this show I speak of? Why "Doctor Who" of course, it's just so awesome, I just finished season 2 on DVD and there were tears in my eyes, like actual tears, I was crying at a science fiction show with aliens and robots, and a hero who flies around in an old telephone box (That's booth for those non-British types.)

Why "Doctor Who"? Why this show? What attracted me to it? There I was minding my own business, lazing around on a Sunday afternoon, wondering what to do with myself. I turned on the tube, flipping the channels, there it was on the Space Network, a "Doctor Who" special. I decided to watch it, and suddenly I got swept away and I never looked back. This happened only about a month ago, I was lead into the world of "Doctor Who", with The Doctor as my guide.

I started season one not knowing what to expect, I was still unclear about who The Doctor was, what kind of a man was he? I thought I might get lost with this new series since I never really got into the old episodes. For the record, I remembered the old "Doctor Who" on PBS when I was a kid. It was a strange kinda psychedelic show, which kinda frightened me as a child, I don't think I ever got through a whole episode. I remember all the creatures were scary to me, maybe because they weren't familiar like R2D2 or E.T. were. I don't know, what did I know, I was a stupid kid.

As I grew up I kinda felt I was too mature for science fiction fantasy. I don't remember the last time I watched the old "Star Wars" films, which were favorites in my childhood. I got into old foreign films, and classic books that were 800 pages long, perhaps I was trying to act too seriously. I think somewhere in between a French film about the holocaust, and "Moby Dick", I snapped! All I wanted was a little pleasantness in my life, I wanted some fun, I wanted joy, I wanted adventure, I wanted hope, The Doctor came into my life at the right moment.

So, who is The Doctor? Why he is the last of timelords of course! He travels through time in his space vehicle the T.A.R.D.I.S., usually with a companion. He fights aliens, monsters, robots, anything. He's a scientist, he's non-violent, and he's probably the most enthusiastic sci-fi hero ever.

From what I know, there have been 11 doctors, since the very beginning of the series, but he is still the same doctor. What happens is when an actor wants to leave the series, the show must go on, so the writers created a regeneration process which happens to the doctor if he is ever near death, thus making him look different but keep the same memories. I know! I know! But go with it, it's fun!

It is said every generation has its own doctor, with me it's gotta be David Tennant. He's the real reason that I watch, his doctor is so eccentric, fun, funny, it's his personality that invites you along for the ride. It has been said David Tennant is the most charismatic doctor there ever has been, he's even won in a poll for the best Doctor ever. And really it's not hard to imagine once you see his performance, there are times when you can sense an actor is having so much fun, and that's what you see in Tennant. Honestly I don't know if I can continue the series without him, he is my doctor without a doubt.

When I watch "Doctor Who", I feel like a kid again, it may sound silly, but I like that feeling. As kids we have our heroes, they're the ones that defeat the bad guys, and give us hope. I think it has been a long time since I felt that way about many things, so it was good to feel it again.

I know "Doctor Who" is just a tv show, it's not meant to change the world, but knowing it's there and knowing there are kids growing up with it, and big kids like me who may have just discovered it, makes me happy. "Doctor Who" reminded me to have fun, and reminded that a some positivity in a cynical world is just what the doctor ordered.

Still Writing

It's been awhile since I've written anything in my blogs so I'm trying desperately to write something. Here it goes...

The most exciting thing that happened to me this past week was getting the opportunity to join in a play writing workshop. It was a great experience and I was doing something that I loved. Writing has seemed to be taking over for me, I've said before that I get a certain satisfaction to it, even more than from acting. I try to make writing a day to day thing, sometimes it can be strenuous, and no fun, but I try to make something work even when I know it isn't.

Right now it's even difficult to write, trying to find something interesting to say, or at least trying to make it sound interesting. At the moment I don't feel I have a lot to say on anything in particular. Part of this might be I'm very tired at the moment, I have feelings of wanting to go to sleep, however it's still early for me, it's only 10:30, I feel like I could be getting a second wind anytime now.

My biggest writing project is on the playing I'm currently planning out, this was the main reason I attended the workshop. I wrote the first six pages of my play, I'm happy to say I have a title for it, and an ending which I didn't have before going into it.

I must confess I'm still not sure what shape this play is taking, I may have jumped the gun, I'm still wrestling with its themes, and the relationships of the characters. I like to think this play is a little bit more ambitious than the last one I wrote which might account for these problems. It's difficult to find the time to write these days, I've suddenly become more busy, and more tired, I don't drink coffee, therefore nothing is there to keep me awake. I keep thinking of my bed, when I should be thinking about this play.

The one thing I'm learning about what I do when I am in the process of writing something, I can't help but think about it. Even when I'm doing something else, the play is always in the back of my mind, someone might be telling me something, but all I'm thinking about is when the next time I'll be able to write.

I sometimes don't like this feeling, and it becomes a relief when the play is over, I can take a break again, until the feeling to write again comes back. What a strange world I've gotten myself into. As the days go by, I feel this blog will become more of a journal through the process, I think I like to see what I've discovered from day to day, so stay tuned for that.