Blogging at 1:30 in the morning

What does one have to say at 1:30 in the morning, I'm about to find out. I'm a little wired right now, so I don't feel like sleeping just yet. I am a little tired, and I'm sure I will fall asleep if I close my eyes right now, but I don't really want to fall asleep just yet.

Today consisted of me sleeping in, so for me I don't think I got enough out of my day than I should've, this has concluded with me staying up late. When I got out of bed I had an audition to go to at the college. I arrived an hour early, I went to the library to print out a copy of my acting resume. Afterwards I had an hour to kill so I spent in perusing books in the library. There was a book of film criticism by Jonathan Rosenbaum that looked interesting, I may sign that out later.

After going through the library I found a copy of the latest "Sight and Sound" film magazine, I spent the last few minutes of my free time going through that. There was an interesting article on the future of movies and how many people think studios are making way for the end independent movies forever.

After that I proceeded to the arts centre for my audition, it was for the lead part in a staged reading of new play by a local writer. The play was called "Tumaini", about a teacher who goes through a life changing experience after visiting Africa. I know very little about the play, and knew little about the audition, I only found out about it the night before when Tanya, my former teacher asked me to come in and audition. Jeff Woodward was the other chap auditioning, we greeted eachother in the hallway, we had no animosity between the two of us despite the fact we were up for the same part. Jeff went in first, a few minutes later I went it, I did my piece, then did a cold read, was thanked for my troubles then I left.

At home I thought of watching a movie, but I decided against it. I picked up my copy of "Moby Dick" which I was in the middle of reading and read a few chapters before going to my rehearsal for "Bullskit". At about 4:45, I stopped reading "Moby Dick" and went to get something to eat, I stopped at Quiznos which was a mistake, (I need to get groceries tomorrow).

At about 5:12, I started towards the Matchbox theatre for my Bullskit rehearsal. When I got there Jenna, Matt, and Serge were all there. The people using the theatre before us were cleaning up.

We got into the theatre approximately at 5:30 when rehearsal was to officially start. We did a check it, did a few warm up games and rehearsed our sketches. We ended everything at about 9:10, I went home and went on Facebook, how addictive Facebook it, I also went on Twitter. I Facebooked and Tweeted two different status updates to give people more things to read about me.

I went downstairs at around 10:00, watched a half hour of television, went back upstairs, took out "Moby Dick", and proceeded to read until 1:15. I thought I was tired enough to go to bed but not quite. I didn't write anything in either of my respective blogs so I figured why not write something right now? And this is where you came it, that was my day, looking back at it, the one thing I can say about it is I paid a lot of attention to the time.

And Now a poem

Everything I want to say only I'm not as eloquent a writer nor a speaker.

The Power to Read

I've been having an obsession of books over the past week. Books have been on my mind, they are usually on my mind, but this week they have been more so. I am amazed at the power of what the written word can do to a person. Books can inspire, they can change your perspective, they can take you away. A single sentence in a book can be magical if an author knows how to use it the right way, I would compare it to a sequence or a shot in a movie that could have that same effect. Words when brought together in a certain way can become poetry.

I haven't gotten the written word and how important it really is until only recently, there's something special in wanting to read, I think it is a need in all of us, to learn something more. Perhaps the best book I can think of on the importance of books that I have ever read is Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. The book takes place in a not too distant future where reading has become outlawed, people have become slaves to prescription drugs and television. The fire department are no longer people who fight fires, but actually are the ones who are sent to burn books hidden by other people, the temperature a book needs to be at to burn is 451 hence the title. I read the book about five years ago and I still remember it, just recently I saw the film version for the first time which was directed by one of my favorite director's Francois Truffaut.

For anyone who knows anything about Truffaut, he loved books as much as he loved films. His version of Fahrenheit 451 is less a science fiction story than it is a love letter to the written word. In the most touching scene, the hero, a fireman named Montag opens a book for the first time to see what it is he sets on fire. In the scene you can see the exhilaration felt for opening the book and reading those words on the page, it's poetry in motion which to me is what a great film does. It also didn't hurt that the book Montag chose to read was Dickens' "David Copperfield", which if people who pay attention to this blog was my first Dickens book I ever read, and it brought me back to the time when I opened that book for the first time and read that first sentence, so on that note the film connected to me on a very personal level.

After viewing the film, I started looking at my library of books that I still had to read, I picked one out at random, it was "Moby Dick", which I'm in the middle of right now, and find it hard sometimes to put down.

I often wonder if the power of reading is getting lost somewhere in today's world. Sometimes I don't feel that way, I remember when every child was reading some "Harry Potter" book, it made me glad that they were reading even something. But still there is that nagging feeling that reading has become out of date, and too many people refer to people on television for their information. These are the people I hold contempt for, they use words, but they twist them in a way meant to confuse from the real point. To them, words are used as fear tactics and steer the viewer away from the truth. Just recently there was an uproar for the United States' new healthcare plan. The opposers of the bill tried to twist the words of that in order to make something out of it that wasn't there, to the public's credit, they didn't buy it, and this is what gives me hope.

I wonder how close we are to Bradbury's vision of the future, or if actually outlawing the written word will ever become illegal, I don't ever see it going that far, personally I think I would be lost without it, books helps us in sharing our human experience, they can bring us back to feelings we have felt before, and they can make us feel a little less lonely when we are alone. I know I can be alone for hours with a book I love, yet it would feel as if time had stood still. I think this is why I try to write in this blog as much as I can, it's trying to communicate something through the written word, isn't it wonderful to be able to express something that way?

Those Big Questions or What happens when I have coffee with my mom

I think this has been a recurring theme with me, but I honestly feel we are all some how connected. For reasons unfathomable to me, I got into a theological discussion today with non other than my mother. We had coffee, we started talking about our lives, our jobs, money, our worries. She asked me about why I love Charles Dickens, I tried to explain to no avail, then out of all that we started talking about God.

Before I get into the specifics of that conversation a little bit of background is in order. I may have said this earlier but I grew up with a somewhat lackadaisical upbringing on religion. God was never forced on me or my brother while we were growing up, but the whole christian religion was implied for us to follow to the best of our ability. This meant going to church on Sundays when we as a family could all get up early enough not to be late. We weren't a model christian family, but in the end I would say we survived better than the so-called Christians did.

Religion in our family has become a little non-existent, we have a few reminders but it's no longer the occasional ritual it once was. My mother is probably the most religious of all of us, this has to do with the fact that she came from a family where religion was forced on her. One of her sisters married a minister and another one of her sisters plays the piano for her church congregation every Sunday. I could never say my mom was indoctrinated as far into religion as her sisters, and I thank God for it. Ironically my mom's family is also that of my Uncle who converted to Buddhism in later life. My mom still is very spiritual and she does feel guilt about not going to church every Sunday and not leading the normal Christian life as her sisters. I remain philosophical about the whole thing, but I suppose this lead to our conversation we had about religion today.

I like talking to my mom sometimes about religion because she has a very open mind when it comes to those things, and I sense she wants to understand more than she may know. I'm no theologian myself, I've pretty much adopted my own religion over the years after some personal experiences, but basically my mom asked me a question she never quite asked before. "What do you think about God"?

One of the things I love is philosophy, because through philosophy you get to ask questions, and the great thing about these questions is they can all have different answers considering who is answering them. I'm still a young person, my perceptions of life change with every new experience I encounter, I can't say what kind of a man I will be when I'm 90 years old, I like to think I have an idea, but today at 29 I am a very different person than who I thought I would be when I was 10. Much of this has to do with my idea of God.

Do I believe in God? That is a very interesting question. There are people who do believe in God, the one preached about in church, the one we are told to follow, the one who is in the bible, is this the right God? This I'm not sure. I look at the God from the Old Testament and then I look at the God from The New Testament, to me they are two completely different entities yet they come from the same book. We are told they are the same being, the difference is one is very vengeful and the other is very forgiving. "For God So Loved The World he gave his only son", is this the same God who loved the world so much, he decided to flood it in order to wipe away all the evil? The flood came first, then he decided to sacrifice his only son for it, how that for a mixed message?

I remember as a kid I had these kinds of questions all the time, I would ask a Youth councillor from our church. They usually took me out for ice cream probably to soften me up, but I was always skeptical about what was in the bible compared to what was in real life. One thing that bugged me was how God created animals on one day and then created man the next. Now if dinosaurs are considered animals, and they came over 65 million years before mankind, how could you count that as one day? The reason I got from this is in God's universe, to him one day is like a million years or something like that, at the time, that was good enough to swallow. Of course in Christianity we are asked to take a lot of things on faith, in fact that is what religion is all about: faith, to believe in something that has no proof, I get that, I truly do, and I think that's a wonderful thing, it's the physical versus the metaphysical. I don't think there is anything wrong with faith, just like I don't think there is anything wrong with questioning it. Where was I? Oh yes, how do I feel about God?

I have been asked many times about my views on God, does he exist, doesn't he, I don't have the answer, and many people tell me I should have the answer, either he exists for me or he doesn't. Here's what it comes down to, I believe, I believe in something, I don't believe in nothing, therefore in that way I am not an atheist, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in my philosophy. What I love to do is trying to know the unknowable, trying to find the mysteries of the universe, what's the meaning of life, why are we here. We aren't meant to know the answer but I think it's worthwhile to pursue the question, it's what keeps us learning, and if we stop learning, then there really isn't any point to anything.

Okay let's get back on topic, because I feel I've rambled on and on about nothing in particular. For me the God that is preached in Sunday schools, in churches, in cathedrals, by the Bishops, The Pope, The President, and the media, that God has been diluted, bastardized if you will into something that no longer exists for me. What does exist for me is something that is intangible, that no one can see, perhaps even fathom. Is this a spirit, a ghost, a living being, an entity? I don't know what it is, does it keep order in the universe, I'm also not sure, but for me there has to be something more than what I see with my own eyes, I can't say it's a presence that has presented itself to me in some spiritual way, call it a feeling, or an intuition, call it whatever you like. It's a possibility, it's a certain kind of faith.

How are We Going to Save This Generation Or A Little Bit Of Soul Goes a Long Way

Where did my youth go? I don't even think I had one, I jumped right into old man status, I'm the oldest 29 year old you'll ever meet. Look at my tastes in movies, music, and books. Even my clothes are out of date, but I don't care, you know what, I think I was meant to be born decades ago, but destiny screwed up and put me in a very uninspired, corporate owned decade. Movies are boring, music is boring, even the way we listen to music is boring, (A turntable is way cooler than an IPod), film is better than digital.

This isn't my fault I'm so retro, I was born that way, I worked my way from the past to the present, I'd rather be in the past.

Let's look at music today shall we? It sucks, it just plain sucks, it's all nice and pretty, glossed with neatly produced melodies without any edge. Where's the music with soul? Where's the music that makes you wanna shout and holler? In other words, where the rebellion? Do you know what I see when I look at the musicians of today? They're a bunch of pussies, they dress up to work with the establishment, they don't have an original thought in their pretty little heads. They sing into the microphones with no personality, until the producer and music executives are happy.

I'm talking to the people who make rock and roll, yes you people, you so and so's who are supposed to be the heirs to Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly, Elvis, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, The Who etc.... Somebody take the freakin mantle already.

You know what we need? We need another Kurt Cobain already! We've been waiting long enough, where is he already? Do you know what kids are growing up with these days? Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers, isn't that sad? That is sad, it's sad and it's dull, we are making dull children. These are dull children who are sitting in their rooms listening to Hannah Montana, reading about how vampires aren't scary, but sexy, and watching movies about vampires that aren't scary but sexy.

Pretty soon those children will grow up and they are going to be dull, they are going to be boring, and they are going to make your life a living hell.

We need to put the soul back in these people, they've been sucked dry by Hannah Montana and sexy vampires.



For you people who have children who you fear are going to be dull, don't worry, there is still time. First of all confiscate their IPod and lend them your old turntable. Second, take out one of your old vinyls circa 1965-69 (I recommend a large dose of "The Beach Boys Pet Sounds", followed by Bob Dylan's "Blonde on Blonde", and "The Beatles Abbey Road").

After you expose your child to this, you might find a change in them, they might become a bit rebellious, don't worry, this is natural. The child is now ready for "The Nuggets Collection: Original Artifacts from the first phsycedelic Era". You can get either the album, or the four disc box set. This set is full of many garage bands from the sixties such as Love, The Kingsmen, and Captain Beefheart to name a few.

Once your child is exposed to this, the Hannah Montana spell should be broken, if not, drastic measures such as 70s punk rock, 80s new wave, and 90s grunge should be taken. After awhile your child should be rejecting The Disney Channel altogether, and vampires will again seem scary and not sexy anymore.

The one warning to this is your child might want to invest in an electric guitar and a garage for his/her band to play in, but don't worry, with any luck your child will develop talent and have the power to change the world/music industry forever.

It's a long and winding road, but the benefits will be worth it, the world will thank you, music will thank you, the future will thank you, I will thank you. All we have in this world to keep us separate from others is our individuality, don't let Hannah Montana crush that.

My requirements for a relationship

I was reading one of my favorite movie bloggers Jim Emerson today, and this post came to my attention Bad sneakers and a piña colada, my friend - scanners

Anyway I thought it would be fun to think of the things, or tastes if you will I find in a relationship, whether they are turn ons or turn offs.

I keep it no secret, I am a movie buff, this is a number one thing with me. There are certain movies I will show women, and then I see what their reaction is to them. Quentin Tarantino has said he's done this with women and "Rio Bravo", he shows them "Rio Bravo" and sees what their reaction is.

For me it can be a real turn off if a woman doesn't like your favorite movie, or at least one of your favorite movies. I will always show a woman one of my favorites, I've done this with "It's a Wonderful Life". The most serious relationship I was ever in began by each of us showing eachother our favorite movie. She went first and we watched "Titanic". I was less than enthused, but I could still watch it, for it wasn't a bad movie. She of course cried, I had my arm around her, it was a beautiful moment, we were still starting out in our relationship, so I could block out the movie with the fact that I was with her.

I showed her "It's a Wonderful Life", she told me she liked it, I felt she was humouring me, we still weren't at the stage where we could be completely honest with eachother.

I couldn't help but be the movie nerd that I am and I don't think it helped when we saw "You've Got Mail" together. She loved it, thought it was the best movie ever made, I of course had to allude that the original film "The Shop Around the Corner" was better. We watched, and wasn't but five minutes into the film when she asked me to turn it off. It turned out she didn't like the way the actors talked back then, it annoyed her. I swallowed my pride, but trying to make this relationship work, she suggested "The Wizard of Oz". Of course "The Wizard of Oz", who doesn't love that movie? Half way through the film, she found an excuse to leave, I knew then, it wouldn't last.

Things got even worse when our music tastes were different, I remember playing her an Elvis Costello song that I said really meant a lot to me, she could only say "oh it's nice" at the end. Trust me, if I tell you her music tastes, you'll just make fun of me.

We always had our books, which is the one thing we always could talk about, she introduced me to authors she liked, and I did the same, but I don't think I could get past the "Shop Around the Corner" incident. It ended.

Another relationship I had was also less successful, I showed her "Casablanca" and "His Girl Friday", she was bored by the black and white, and made fun of it. I showed her a Coen Brothers comedy, she thought it was stupid. In a last ditch effort on her part, we went to see the George Clooney film "Up in the Air" recently, I was moved by it, she found it depressing, afterwards it was obvious we were from a different planet entirely. This one I should've known when we also went to a Neil Young concert and she spent the time covering her ears.

It's important to share your passions, I feel that's the only way to know if you click with someone, if they find your passions dull or uninteresting then where would that lead you? I'm not saying someone has to be entirely in love with what I love, but they must know that this is part of who I am, and vise versa.

The Beach Boys: Another Obsession

The Beach Boys were when I first discovered rock and roll, for that they will always remain special to me.

It's almost like a dream now, it's one of the earliest memories of my life. I was seven years old, it was summer time, I was lying around my dad's record player. My dad was quite the eclectic music lover. His favorite was Elton John, I remember listening to his live album and liking parts of it. Then he had Bruce Springsteen "Born in the U.S.A.", an album I only listened to for its title track. All day I would listen to these records, but it didn't really have a lasting effect.

Then it happened, all I remember was my dad taking me down to the garage, inside one of his cupboards he pulled out a record I had never seen before. It was "Best of the Beach Boys Vol 2". The picture on the cover had a bunch of weird looking guys sitting in what looked like a Forrest. My dad told me, the record used to belong to his brother, my Uncle Bill who died only a few years earlier. I never really got to know my Uncle Bill, I had small memories of him and there are pictures of me sitting next to him.



I went back upstairs and I put the record on, I played it all the way through, I remember thinking I had never heard anything like it. All the rock and roll I heard up until then was full of guitars and had what I thought was a dirty sound I didn't care for much. The Beach Boys were clear and crisp, I was entranced by their music, it was fun and positive. I remember when "Surfin Safari" came on, which I thought was the greatest song at the time.

The album became my favorite for a long time. Later that year, my parents went out, my brother and I were being babysat. When my parents got home, we were already in bed, I wasn't awake, but I remember my dad coming into my room and slipping something underneath my pillow. When he left, I checked to see what it was, it was another Beach Boys greatest hits album. This one had classics like "Sloop John B" and "Warmth of the Sun" on it.

Throughout my childhood, I just kept collecting Beach Boys albums, they were all greatest hits, I started to wonder if they ever really made real albums. I don't remember how old I was when I first heard the "Pet Sounds" album, I was still very young. I remember loving "God Only Knows" the first time I heard it. To me it felt very spiritual, even though if you listen to the lyrics, it's really just a straight forward ballad. But the music itself brings it above all that, that's thanks to Brian Wilson the founding member and genius behind all those great songs. Brian was the heart and soul of The Beach Boys sound.

It was only later I found out Brian had a big problem with drugs which if you've seen him lately had a lasting effect. It's hard to believe that all those fun songs were made by someone who was forever sad, of course that's a common thread in rock and roll.

I grew up a bit and I found myself listening less and less to The Beach Boys. To them, they represented my youth and innocence, and as you grow up, things become a lot more complicated than the lyrics to "Surfin Safari". But over time I did return to The Beach Boys music, especially when life was really starting to get depressing.

It has been said that after 1967 in the Summer of Love, The Beach Boys became passe. America had entered Vietnam, and you were hearing more protest songs on the radio. There was the counter culture generation, and The Beach Boys just looked like a bunch of squares compared to them. And of course this is where Brian Wilson's drug problems were at an all time high.

But this was also a creative high on the group, the were experimenting with different types of sounds and music, they carried harmonies better than ever. Just nobody really cared anymore.

It was at this point when the other band member starting pitching in and writing songs. The best of the lot came from Brian's brothers Carl and Dennis, both ironically died young. Dennis in particular made songs that would inspire me, including "Forever" which along with "God Only Knows" was their best love song ever.



I still love their early records, there is a youthful innocence about them, it was true and honest. Just like The Beatles and The Rolling Stones, The Beach Boys, were a bunch of white boys who wanted to be like Chuck Berry, Brian Wilson also wanted to be The Four Freshman, and George Gershwin for that matter. It's safe to say the only thing manufactured about The Beach Boys was their image (They were thought of as real surfers when in fact only Dennis surfed, and Brian had a fear of water.)

The music of today leaves me jaded, it's depressing to listen to because it doesn't seem honest. The Beach Boys represented a sound, and a feeling, when was the last time do remember a music group really doing that, without it feeling manipulated?

I get angry when I hear The Beach Boys still touring, I get angry because I know it's not The Beach Boys, the ones who are touring are Mike Love and Bruce Johnston with a bunch of other musicians. I saw them in concert and it was depressing, it seemed like I along with everyone else was trying to recapture their youth, including the guys on stage. Before he died Dennis Wilson released a solo album entitled "Farewell my Friend", in many ways I like to think that song was a farewell to the band. Brian Wilson still makes music thank God, but no matter how good it is, the feeling was left back in the 60s.

The Beach Boys still make me feel good, they are still my favorite band, and they made the most beautiful love songs in all of rock, if I ever have kids, I'd like to introduce them to The Beach Boys the way my dad did, for me it was a magical moment in my youth.